What do ya think?

I have gone through quite a bit since having my hysterectomy in September of 2012. I have dealt with depression, emotional pain, anxiety, extreme physical pain, issues related to menopause, and continue to deal with this stuff today. I am a little bit better than I was six months ago but I'm still working on getting better.  I am thinking of having part of this blog be me journaling. I think this will help me. What do you think?

A Struggling Barren Wife

I must admit that since Wednesday morning I’ve been experiencing periods of sadness.  I’ve been crying on and off.  I know the surgery was the right thing to do.  I am not angry with anyone, especially not God. Because I do know that He is looking out for me.  Not that I didn’t know what the operation would do but the past few days it hit me like a ton of bricks that I no longer have my reproductive organs. The procedure is done and believe me I am thankful to God and all his angels because I am feeling so much better but it is so hard…. crying crying as I write this…. I am so sad.  I have been praying and asking God’s help through this tough time but…. I have just suffered a big loss and I just don’t know….

I called my doc yesterday because I thought something was wrong around one of my stitches.  He thought I could have gotten an infection so besides calling me in an antibiotic he wanted to see me to make sure the stitches were okay. This morning as I was waiting to see my doctor tears started rolling down my cheeks.  Just all of a sudden.  I was thinking geesh I sure have been a watering sprinkler lately with tears popping up when I least expect it.  He came in after I had stopped crying and gotten myself together but I ended up telling him that I had been crying anyway.  We talked about it.  He was so understanding. He said that I have a right to be sad and basically that if I wasn’t he would be wondering what’s wrong with me.  He said that he’s sad for me and that he would pray for me during the next week in between visits.  He said for me to continue to look to God for guidance during this time. He made me feel much better.  He is such a caring doctor.  Thankfully I don’t have an infection but the oddest thing happened. I have an allergic reaction to the band-aid and it blistered.  But what’s weird about it and we couldn’t figure out is why I don’t have allergic reactions around my other areas where stitches are. Different band-aid? Who knows?

After I came home I offered a prayer to God asking for his help to guide me through my struggles.  I also asked Him to lead me to the right spot in the Bible.  And yes so amazingly he did.  I opened to Psalm 113: 7-9 .

Psalm 113: 7-9 says:   He raises up the lowly from the dust;

from the dunghill he lifts up the poor

To seat them with princes,

with the princes of his own people.

He establishes in her home the barren wife

as the joyful mother of children.

My first response after seeing this was God is wonderful. God is watching out for me. I know that and have known that for a long time but I have been so emotional these past few days and crying, crying, crying (and I’m not even a crier) that I hadn’t really turned to Him and asked Him for assistance til today.  God has brought peace to me. Now I feel so much better sharing my struggles with the Lord and all my blogging buddies. God Bless.

 Crossposted @ Catholibertarian 

Updated Sept. 14: The Hardest Health Decision Of My Life -- Jesus I Trust In You

For at least 16 years I have had to deal with a dreadfully, painful disease called endometriosis. Over the span of those sixteen years I have had six surgeries, tried a therapy called Depo Lupron, and within the past couple of months I have as a last resort tried something that I haven't taken since before I got married - I tried birth control pills.  I started to experience pain again in March and it has continued to escalate over time.  Now it is utterly excruciating. This was so disheartening for me especially since my last surgery that I had to remove my endometriosis was in October of 2011. It hasn't even been a year since my last surgery. I couldn't believe that the endo had returned so quickly.

One huge thing is that my husband and I have no children.  But the problem is there aren't many options left for me. I could either go to a pain management specialist be put on pain meds permanently, risk possibly getting addicted to pain killers or have a hysterectomy.  To be honest since 2008 I have had so many health problems related to endometriosis I kinda feel like I've been on borrowed time as far as my fertility is concerned.  So I have decided to go ahead with a hysterectomy. It the only real procedure that will take care of my endo pain. Yes, it hurts me so bad because we don't have any children.  But I am trusting in God a lot on this one.  I believe God is calling us to adopt a wee little one. Now I just pray that God helps us to better our financial situation so we are able to give a little one a loving home. I'll just ask for prayers for both myself and my husband, but especially my husband because he is having a real tough time with this, especially the fact that we won't be able to have biological children.  But for some reason (maybe its because I've grown in my faith?) I know that God has a plan for me, Kevin and us as a couple. I say, Jesus I trust in you.  As hard as it is right now I know that I am called to trust in our Lord's will for me.  I need this surgery to relieve my pain so I trust in His will. God Bless.









Updated September 14:  Because of a scheduling snafoo my surgery date has been moved from the Sept. 10 to the 24.