Updated Sept. 14: The Hardest Health Decision Of My Life -- Jesus I Trust In You

For at least 16 years I have had to deal with a dreadfully, painful disease called endometriosis. Over the span of those sixteen years I have had six surgeries, tried a therapy called Depo Lupron, and within the past couple of months I have as a last resort tried something that I haven't taken since before I got married - I tried birth control pills.  I started to experience pain again in March and it has continued to escalate over time.  Now it is utterly excruciating. This was so disheartening for me especially since my last surgery that I had to remove my endometriosis was in October of 2011. It hasn't even been a year since my last surgery. I couldn't believe that the endo had returned so quickly.

One huge thing is that my husband and I have no children.  But the problem is there aren't many options left for me. I could either go to a pain management specialist be put on pain meds permanently, risk possibly getting addicted to pain killers or have a hysterectomy.  To be honest since 2008 I have had so many health problems related to endometriosis I kinda feel like I've been on borrowed time as far as my fertility is concerned.  So I have decided to go ahead with a hysterectomy. It the only real procedure that will take care of my endo pain. Yes, it hurts me so bad because we don't have any children.  But I am trusting in God a lot on this one.  I believe God is calling us to adopt a wee little one. Now I just pray that God helps us to better our financial situation so we are able to give a little one a loving home. I'll just ask for prayers for both myself and my husband, but especially my husband because he is having a real tough time with this, especially the fact that we won't be able to have biological children.  But for some reason (maybe its because I've grown in my faith?) I know that God has a plan for me, Kevin and us as a couple. I say, Jesus I trust in you.  As hard as it is right now I know that I am called to trust in our Lord's will for me.  I need this surgery to relieve my pain so I trust in His will. God Bless.









Updated September 14:  Because of a scheduling snafoo my surgery date has been moved from the Sept. 10 to the 24.

Pope Benedict says we must trust the Lord Completely; But sometimes trusting God can be tough

As Pope Benedict reflected on the Sunday Gospel he stated: 


“It is an incident whose great significance the Fathers of the Church understood. The sea symbolises today’s life and the instability of the visible world. The storm indicates the many troubles that oppress man. The boat, instead, represents the Church built on Christ and led by the Apostles. Jesus wants to educate the disciples to bear with courage the adversities of life, placing their trust in God, the One who revealed himself to the prophet Elijah on Mount Horeb in “a tiny whispering sound” (1 Kings, 19:12).


The Pope also relayed to his audience this: “before we seek or invoke him, the Lord himself comes to us, lowering the Heavens to hold out a hand and raise us up to his height”. “He only waits for us to trust him completely. Let us call on the Virgin Mary, a model of complete trust in God, that amid so many concerns, problems and difficulties that trouble the sea of our life, our hearts may heed the reassuring word of Jesus, ‘Have courage! It is me; fear not!’, so that our faith in Him may grow.” 


I fully agree with Pope Benedict.  I would just say that trusting in the Lord can be extremely tough to do when going through life's struggles.  Here are some thoughts of mine.  I have to admit that it was much easier for me to trust in the Lord while growing up during my childhood and up through high school.  I had to deal with many struggles while growing up: challenges due to my being blind in one eye, my sisters had a lot of issues and caused complete chaos in my family, while attending Grade school I was more than just teased (taunted?) because of my being blind in one eye and this made my self-esteem plummet but I always knew that there was one person who I could count on to listen to me, God.  I trusted the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul.  


Sadly, I have to say that it is different for me Today.  I go back and forth between being able to trust the Lord completely with all my heart, mind, and soul in some instances while at other times I struggle with trusting our Lord.  For instance I have trouble with endometriosis which is a disease which causes extreme pain and infertility among women.  I've always trusted that the Lord would watch out for me while going through all of my surgeries and other treatments but when it comes to going through the issues due to infertility I find it very hard to trust the Lord.  I am married and so far my husband and I haven't been blessed with a Little One and sometimes I get really down in the dumps about that.  Plus, its so expensive to adopt and my husband and I aren't that well-off financially.  I try to trust in the Lord but it is so hard in this case.  I can remember my doctor years ago saying to me that I would make a great mom and yet I wonder why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I wonder what is God's plan for me? My husband and I? Is it to adopt? Are my husband and I meant to conceive and have a child?  I know that God has a plan for my husband and I but I just don't understand what it could be and that is so frustrating for me.  I am enormously grateful to God for saving my life when I went through an unimaginably horrible situation - you can read my Divine Providence Story here . But ever since I went through that horrible, traumatic incident I have not trusted the Lord like I used to.  Right now I take one day at a time and have been rebuilding (or trying to) my trust in him. 


Have a blessed day!